Last night, while I was trying to finish my humanities homework, I found myself rather moody. There was nothing else but all these homework piling up on my desk, which I thought it might help reminding me how much work I had to do, and so that I had no time to be whiny and emotional. However, it was useless. I could not concentrate at all. Therefore I gave up trying to work, and decided to take a break. Then, as I dazed, a friend called. What a perfect timing? I thought. And so we started to chat.
I planned to mutter through our entire conversation, but apparently he was planning to do the same thing; and as tradition, when one complains, the other one automatically became the listener. In this case, I, the quiet one, became the listener as a matter of course. So I listened as he complained. He complained about all kinds of things in his life. It was too much to remember all of them, but I do remember one of them.
"My aunt once told me, 'imagine that you have a bag to put everything you have in it; and how heavy the bag is, is how heavy your pressure is,'" he said, "and everything includes your family, friends, school, job, books, clothes, and etc... it's everything." I loved this saying. It is basically saying that the more things you care about, the more responsibility you are taking. Yet you can never make everything all right, and that is where pressure comes from. However, before I could relate myself to the saying, he started to tell me how it relates to him. His bag is heavy because of it has his family in it. He told me how close everyone in his family is -- from his grand parents, to his aunts, uncles, father and mother, to his cousins and him -- and how this fact bothers him. "Everyone puts their attention on you," he said, "it's kind of stressful sometimes." Yeah, I agreed. I have a very big family on my mother's side, and I am the only person in the family who goes to an international school. So everyone has been quite curious about my future. They have been asking my mother about me, and of course, my mother always keeps them updated. This gives me a feeling as if I'm on a stage with a thousand audiences watching me. It enlarges every mistakes that I make. And so I'd have to be very careful of everything I do. Stressful,
sometimes.
I have a discrepant mind. Thus, as I thought further of the saying, I thought that sometimes, on the other hand, what if there is nothing in the bag for you to carry? ". . . how heavy the bag is, is how heavy your pressure is." If you empty your bag just to avoid the heaviness, would you feel a since of emptiness? Could it be the more you are able to carry, to handle, the stronger you get? Like weight training -- the heavier you can lift, the stronger you become. Maybe it could be nice to have your "everything" after all. Besides, things that you would put into the bag are all the ones that you love, aren't they?
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http://www.selectism.com/news/2009/07/22/capsule-ny-shades-of-greige-bags-for-spring-2010/ [Image. Copied by Jez. 12 Sep. 2010.]